This post might not make sense as I just wrote what I was feeling after watching the documentary.
I decided to watch Bully today and it made me an emotional train wreck. The cruelness of some children is baffling and the lack of caring from school officials and administrators was appalling. I think bullying has evolved into something more hateful and violent since I left school. Kids in this video were choking, stabbing, punching while everyone else just laughed and watched. My children are small now but eventually they will grow up and then I have to hope that I raised compassionate, loving, outspoken children who will stand up for themselves and others.
The whole video broke my heart and basically I cried the entire time. It was hard to watch these kids get verbally and physically abused and it was shocking that kids would act like that with a film crew present. The thing the was most gut wrenching was suicide. Two families opened up about the lost of their sons to suicide and I just lost it. One of the boys was 11, ELEVEN. I can’t imagine the loneliness and heartbreak that must have been plaguing these children. One of the families started an organization called Stand for the Silent to help end bullying. While I was reading through the website I learned that a few years ago a nine year old boy hung himself in the nurse’s office while he was waiting for his parents to come pick him up. This is devastating on so many levels but especially as a parent. It’s scary to think that I won’t always be able to protect my children, that they might not always open up to me about what is bothering them, that they might be the ones who bully. I would like to believe that no parents raise a bully but the truth of the matter is not all parents are actively engaged in their children’s lives or aren’t the parents that a child deserves. I hope that we are laying down the foundation for our children to be respectful and accepting of everyone. But make no mistake you mess with one of my babies I’m coming at you full force. No child deserves to have their school experience disrupted due to a bunch of little jerks who are lashing out because they have their own problems they don’t know how to work through. If you haven’t seen this documentary yet you MUST watch it.
I’ve been a mother for 3 and 1/2 years and I think this is the hardest week of parenting I have encountered to date. No my children haven’t asked any hard hitting questions like where do babies come from, it’s been their behavior. Presley has thankfully been seizure free for 6 weeks but she had to switch medications due to developing a drug rash from the first medicine. Well the new medicine they put her on has basically made her crazy!! The main side effects are crankiness and irritability which if you have a one and a half year old you know that they are already like that so this really just makes it worse. She cries over everything, throws herself down on the floor in a fit of rage, and nothing I do comforts her. As if that wasn’t enough Carter has been acting up lately. Not listening and just acting like a brat in general are what seems to be plaguing him. By the time Dave gets home I’m ready to poke my eyes out. I love my children no question but they have been wearing me thin this week. Earlier in the week Carter looked at me and said, “You aren’t being a good mommy today” OUCH! I realize he doesn’t fully understand what he is saying but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t hurtful. Presley bit me in the boob and the butt all in the same day. Seriously what is going on over here! When Presley was talking to my mom several days ago she said, “I Sassy” she was 100% right. I’ve been praying for patience and guidance with them and to be a better mother the next day after I feel like I’ve failed miserably when no one has listened to me all day. But thankfully not every moment of every day has sucked the life out of me. The pictures above are some sweet snapshots that remind me they aren’t always hell on wheels.
I thought by the time I was almost 30 (I’ll be 29 on June 1st), I would be more secure in my friendships. Friends have come and gone since I was younger, some falling out solely my fault other times a failure on both our parts. I now find myself wondering how much is to much to share, do people really want to know how I am when they ask the kind question “how are you?” I have friends but not people I talk to or see as often as I like. Church has opened up the door to many new friendships but I find that most people aren’t as willing to open up and share as quickly as I am which kind of ends the friendship before it happens since I feel like people aren’t interested. My kids are young, my husband works two jobs, and staying home is lonely. Sadly I still find cliques exist in adulthood. Sometimes I still feel like I’m waiting to get invited to the cool kids table at lunch. I might not always be able to come sit down but I’d still like to be asked. I’ve been praying a lot lately for friendships new and old.
To the friends I have, the friends I’ve lost, and to the friends I have yet to find: “Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: “What! You too? I thought I was the only one.” -C.S. Lewis
Today I’m guest posting over at BeFrugal.com! I was extremely excited when they asked me to share some of my beauty shopping tips. BeFrugal offers online and printable coupons PLUS cash back at over 3000+ stores and is completely free to sign up!
*BeFrugal does offer a referral program for Bloggers (which you can read about here) however all opinions expressed in any post regarding BeFrugal are 100% my own*
The kids are just as spunky as ever. Here are a few of their latest musings.
Me: Presley why are you so grumpy?
P: Because I’m mad at you.
(seriously what 22 month old says that)
P: Who’s dat guy? (she says as loudly as she possibly can to basically anyone she doesn’t know while we are out in public)
Carter toots: “Just call me stinky pete mom”
Carter looking at Dave’s facial hair (I use the term facial hair lightly), “Daddy you need to get rid of your feathers”
Both kids have been having trouble naming their respective body parts, i.e. they have been calling their respective parts their “tushie”
The kids also have a deep love for Gangnam Style (I know, I know) and sadly I made the mistake of teaching them the actual lyrics and now they both constantly say, “Please play sexy lady”
After a couple visits to the playground in the last few days I realize some people might not know the proper way to act at a playground, I’m talking to you moms/caretakers/babysitters YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. Here are just a few rules/guidelines.
1) Playground is not code for babysitter.
*The swings won’t watch your child. The slide won’t discipline them.
2) Do not smoke on the playground
*It’s fine if you want to expose your own child to secondhand smoke and disgusting habits however please don’t subject mine.
3) WATCH your child
*See number 1
4) It’s not proper to sit on your cell phone & talk about how fat all your friends are.
*No one wants to hear your conversation. Also I don’t really want my kids to hear grown ups verbally bashing other grown ups.
5) Discipline your child
*Also see 1 & 2
*It’s not another parents job to tell YOUR child to wait their turn, don’t push, watch out for smaller children etc.
Do you have any playground rules? Pet peeves? Share them with me!!
I recently was watching a video on a blog and at the end the lady said she wanted to share all the things that God had given her a passion for. That one statement really spoke to me and opened my eyes. I have always thought that the things I loved were silly and what purpose could they actually serve. God created me and knew what I would have a passion for and how I would use those passions in time. I love fashion magazines, chicago, designer shoes, makeup, the shoe department at saks (to name a few!). Those things aren’t inconsequential they are what make me, ME! Getting excited about a pretty pair of shoes or being totally ecstatic walking down michigan avenue doesn’t make me shallow but unique. If God has given me them as passions then surely he will reveal a way for me to use them to help Glorify him. Sharing my passions with whoever reads this out in cyberspace I think is a great start to doing that. What do you have a passion for?
1. Within the last couple weeks I started to read Presley a bedtime story and Carter likes to join us (he gets a story every night in his own room). I had to snap a quick picture the other day because everyone had a lovey!
2. I was able to enjoy my fashion magazines this week! The only magazine I get delivered monthly is Vogue (I have every Vogue that I have ever gotten saved because one day I hope to display them all a la Carrie Bradshaw). Two of my other favorites that I was able to pick up were People Style Watch and InStyle! We were at Sams and they are 30% off so I justified the savings with getting two.
3. I got my first Julep box in the mail this week! You can read about it here. I really can’t believe how obsessed I’ve become with nail polish lately.
4. DVF loves Gap debuted yesterday and I LOVE the collection! The prices are pretty steep though (dresses run $45). I had bought Presley a dress from her first collection that debuted last year but that’s when I thought credit cards were my friend (I have since learned they are NOT!). These are some of the things I am dreaming of for ms. Presley.
5. I’ve had a rough week. The kids have been stinkers and I’ve been grumpy which is a lethal combnation. Dave was sweet enough to come home the other night and tell me to leave for awhile so I grabbed my laptop and headed to one of my happy places, STARBUCKS. It was lovely and just the refresher I needed.
How was your week?
Linking up with my sweet friend Eva over at Snappee Turtle
Lately I feel like my life is completely consumed with guilt. Guilt about not having enough, doing enough, being enough. I feel like I’m missing out on life because all I can focus on is the guilt. I am really trying to refocus my negative thoughts and energy into positivity. Finding a balance between being a mother and wife and being myself is proving much harder than I ever imagined. Some may read this and think being a mom and wife are still me but sometimes they aren’t. Being a mother requires you to put yourself last and that’s okay with me but that doesn’t make it easy. Focusing all your time and energy and your family 110% of the time doesn’t leave much left for yourself and that’s when the guilt comes in. I am doing enough, am I enough? When I do have time to myself (like now while the kids are napping) I tend to sit down read some of favorite blogs, write, snuggle the dogs, watch some tv. And then when nap time is over I feel guilty for not cleaning, washing clothes (you know doing mom and wife stuff) while I had no distractions. I feel guilty for wanting to go enjoy a cup of coffee and a magazine by myself when time with my husband and as a WHOLE family is extremely limited and hard to come by. I know I can’t be the only one who beats myself up for this. Sometimes I feel like one of my children’s toys that’s left on all the time even when no one is playing with it and then one of the kids grabs it and it starts making weird noises and is running slow, i.e. the batteries are DEAD. That’s me! I’m doing something all the time and even when I’m not really “doing” anything my mind is always on and wearing me down. Recharging our batteries is a necessity to be our best self and I need to remember I’m not good to anybody if I’m not taking care of myself. Here’s to living more guilt free starting TODAY!
1: Last Saturday we drove down to Dave’s Uncle’s new house which they have a barn with some animals. The kids had a great time. I bonded with the little goat below and named her Ethel (her Mom’s name was Lucy so it seemed fitting). I am not a cat lover in any way, shape, or form but who doesn’t love a kitty. Presley kept squeezing the kitties necks (as you can see from the pic). The kids got a ton of fresh and slept great that night
2: We have basically been without internet for 2 weeks. I was able to get online a few times but for the most part it hasn’t been working. I had to write a few blog posts from my phone which is not as easy as it sounds! We haven’t had cable in about 4yrs so the internet is really are only source of “entertainment”. We have Netflix and Hulu but since those are ran off the internet we couldn’t watch those either. This morning they came and installed Uverse. Hopefully it continues to work!
3: I used to have wine nights weekly with my friend Valerie and then she had to go and get pregnant hence no more wine nights. Well I hadn’t had any wine since she told me she was pregnant, I guess I was being sympathetic. I got a bottle of this Moscato this week (it’s my favorite!!). I have been enjoying a glass here and there this week. I’ve missed you wine!
4: Presley has her MRI this week. You can read about it here. Thankfully all is well!
5: And last but certainly not least today is my baby girl Layla’s 8th birthday! She was born just 4 days before Dave and I got engaged and I got her the week after my 21st birthday. This is my favorite picture of her from when she was still a little girl, she has grown into a grumpy old lady. As usual we will all be having Dairy Queen to celebrate (yes we celebrate dog birthdays in this house and yes they get ice cream too!)
Linking up with one of my favorites again this friday, Snappee Turtle